If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Randomize
