Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
