see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
