dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
