Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
