I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
