i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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