Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
