this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Ladies don't puke and tell
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
