im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
