$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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