Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize