Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
