fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
