$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
only you would photoshop your dick
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize