Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
