24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
