I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
