worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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