I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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