at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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