You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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