i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
