We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
