This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
