he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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