I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
