I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Small penises have feelings too.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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