i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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