Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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