Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize