Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
