theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
