Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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