watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
