Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
