don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize