After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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