They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
