You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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