do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
