another moral hangover. fuck.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
