just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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