my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
