I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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