She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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