Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
