the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
