I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So many bounce houses so little time
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
