i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
