I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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