Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
