i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
