I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
