DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
