My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
my poor anus
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Your penis caused this!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
