The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
