I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
