That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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