I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
