Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
