i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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