He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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