i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
