Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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