Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
