Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
