I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize