Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
