I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I came so hard my ears popped.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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