I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize