my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
