lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
