drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
