I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
