honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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