There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize