i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
