The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
