Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
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