Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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