So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
