We named our party play list daddy issues
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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