I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
