The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
