it's not cheating when I paid for it
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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