The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
