Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
