Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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