Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
