if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
