so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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