I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize