He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
