I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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