Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
