Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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