I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
