Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
