How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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