bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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