Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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