The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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