so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You've changed since you got that strap on
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize