Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
