shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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