oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
