well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
