I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
