I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This is the high leading the old right now
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
