I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
