i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
