Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
