No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
